How a Gentle Lamb Triggered a Shame Spiral

Hello dear creators of wonder and beauty!Sometimes I feel like I’m living with (at least 2) competing beings inside of me…one is a HIPPIE MAGPIE- attracted to all things beautiful, shiny and colorful…she’s the one that loves flea markets and interacting with artists to ask them about (and sometimes acquire) their work.  Then I have this OTHER lady in me who longs for SIMPLICITY (lets call her Sacred Marie)…she longs for the kinds of rooms Saint Francis of Assissi probably favored-  a bed, a candle and just the bare necessities–elegant simplicity.  Less is definitely (more) sacred.

So these last few weeks Hippie Magpie has been RULING THE ROOST. I purchased several beautiful handmade quilts (I needed them for my office to replace the synthetic ones that had stopped feeling good), a new drum (it had the divine feminine all over it!!), a sacred birthing cloth from Peru (Oooooo! I’d love to show it to you!) and a few other things.

Then, almost immediately, I noticed our house felt messy and OVERFULL and it was making me a tad bananas. My tea cabinet in particular was a disaster.  Enough loose leaf in there to have a fragrant and substantial bonfire. My head was saying -“You have no business bringing more things in here-  you need to get a handle on this.

I was telling my colleague Becky Bacon – a clutter expert about my multiple seemingly unconscious shopping accidents of late and she asked me to see if I could discover what it was I was looking for when I bought these items.  What was I hoping would happen when I bought them.

Well when I sat and thought about it—here’s what I was truly longing for….sacred connection. Peace.

Beautiful handmade vintage quilts ooze presence and peace to me-  probably from the amazing women whose hands made them piece by piece.  The birthing cloth from Peru is similar…handmade and COLORFUL and connects me to the sacred work I do and love so very much.  Tea, for me, also brings to mind, silence- Kytoto Japan….ceremony and the sacred.

Then, with a SUDDEN mini-shame ATTACK, I remembered my other purchase  (wait for it..)-  a 60 pound cement vintage baby garden lamb statue.  I had actually slapped it on the kitchen island.  HA!  Talk about a symbol of peace and tranquility-  a sleeping lamb!  It all suddenly registered in me.

“COUNTERTOP LAMB” (estimated weight 65 pounds)

All these realizations about the stuff I’d been accumulating so rapidly returned me to our old house (the 6000 square foot one) that I had filled with lots and lots of stuff (maybe thinking it would bring me peace too?).  And all the work it took to downsize.  I felt ashamed-  like “haven’t I learned my lesson yet?”  and “get a grip on yourself lady!”.  I was in a full on shame spiral.

I vowed to be more awake with my purchases (knowing that stuff can’t bring me peace-  only peace can do that:) and I decided to invest some more time studying my self and learning from Becky Bacon (and I hope to share the lessons I learn with you!).

That weekend, I cleaned out my closet – donating things that no longer felt good and it felt amazing. Baby steps.  A little later,  my husband and I worked together to get our whole pantry cleared out- relabeling our glass jars for the co-op and ensuring an orderly library of wholesome basic foods and spices to cook from.

And then GRACE about “all the stuff” arrived in bits and bobs as it always does.  One of the quilts that I brought home made my 12 year old daughter soooo happy she glows when I tuck her in.  She wants to take a quilting class with me- a seemingly perfect project for her artsy and geomtery inclined soul.  Once, I had it home, I discovered my friends initials on the corner of that quilt –she had made it by hand for the auction where I purchased it.  Suddenly- this wasn’t just a quilt-  it was made by love from a friend. The other quilts I’ve been using at my office and my dear clients have been remarking on their beauty and special comfort.

A week later, I had lunch with a dear friend and we suddenly (simultaneously) decided we are going to organize a trip to SACRED PERU in 2017.  Suddenly – I saw the sacred birthing cloth in the center of our amazing group sitting in the sacred valley filled with flowers and candles and offerings.  This cloth was meant to come on our travels with us.  Want to come to Peru in 2017?  Send me an email and let me know!  I’ll put you on the “first to know list”,

Not everything makes total sense yet.  I’ve decided to return the divine feminine drum-  it doesn’t feel like the right one.  And that 60 pound cement lamb?  He’s currently in the hall on the way to our bedroom…for now he’s making me laugh at the profoundly OBVIOUS metaphor of peace.  I’m mindful I might stub my toe on it too, LOL!

I am a human being living in the material world.  Simplicity is beautiful AND some things bring extraordinary meaning into our lives.

After all, everything that IS is ALIVE.

The next time you feel ashamed about some action you’ve taken- maybe you’ve eaten a sleeve of RITZ crackers you didn’t really want to eat
or you’ve purchased a 3 foot tall glass giraffe for your foyer and now wondered what the heck you were thinking….
Get curious…..ask yourself, “What was the feeling I was hoping to get from the Ritz crackers/glass giraffe?”   OR “what does ________ represent to me?”  You might be surprised at the answer.

And maybe somehow-  that glass giraffe (or the RITZ-LOL!)  just might have a deeper message for you…or maybe its pointing the way to South Africa or Peru or….?

Be gentle on yerselves life pirates-  stay curious and STAY AWAKE.

with BIG love, Sarah

P.S.

P.S.S.  A neat event that is coming in April 1016 is being given by my colleague and mentor Martha Beck- PLUS (BONUS!) my sister, comedian Maria Bamford will be performing there.  I’ll also be offering a class the morning before the event starts.  To learn more go here.