How to LOVE imperfectly.
Hello creators of wonder and MAGIC!
I like to email myself bits of stories so that later I can work on them. Today I stumbled into an old note from 2016 that inspired me and reminded me no matter how much we want to connect with our loved ones, sometimes, it is HARD. Very!
So here’s the diary entry from 2016 (edited of course!)
I’m stressed…GAAAH…. house is for sale (showings and so much cleaning but no buyers yet) and I’m working on a book proposal with my agent which brings up all kinds of feelings about my inadequacies- especially around grammar (lord help them as they read my stuff).
Meanwhile, every chance I get to see and talk with my son George (now 20 and just back home from college for the summer)…I want to teach him about love and I want to know how he is (how he REALLY IS)… the secrets moving inside of his heart. Sooo many feeelings come up when I see him.
Instead of sharing any of this, I blurt, “Where do you want to got to lunch?” and I get annoyed when he doesn’t want to come with me but wants me to deliver lunch to him so he can stay home. Instead of being curious about why he might not want to go out, I get irritated. Silence falls.
I worry about whether we’ve done enough to raise him right (there is still so much wisdom I have to impart, – how did this time go so fast!). Next, I ask him, abruptly, “any ideas of jobs this summer?” ..,dohhhhhhhh I wish I could just keep my mouth shut sometimes.
He’s not home often, and in the few moments we have, I seem to only be capable of saying weird pressure laden things.
I just want to hug him. I want to tell him I know how hard it is not to know where you’ll be in three years. (wait or is that me who is worried where he will be in three years?)
I want him to know how much I love him.
I want him to know that whatever path he takes will be OK. That he can’t make a mistake.
I need to relax and come clean with him. Finally, I rush in, confessing my awkwardness to George- my fear that I have said all the wrong things and what I really want him to know.
It’s OK mom he says emphatically.
Once again, I am afforded a slab of grace by George.
Who is imparting the wisdom here?
So if you find yourself acting in all the wrong ways- in the ways that horrify yourself despite the fact that you deeply desire to be different when interacting with one of your beloveds…don’t worry.
Sometimes you love soooo much it can cause you to act in strange ways. I suggest you keep breathing and praying this prayer:
Please God, let me not be a douche today.
Annnnnd I am eternally grateful to the beasties who have helped me to come clean, be a better partner, a better parent and a better human. By following their gentle and sometimes stern messages, I continue to find my way. If you would like to navigate life more effortlessly, I invite you to check out my new book The Book of Beasties! It just came out yesterday!
Much love and the courage of 5-8 honey badgers (depending on your mission),
Sarah Are you ready to pick my brain, receive a shamanic healing or start your life coaching adventure? Please go here.
P.S. I am starting BOOK TOUR (more dates/cities will be added!) and hope to see you and hug you!
Ann Arbor, MI Area- September 21-23
Saturday 1-3 pmSan Francisco Bay Area- Marin– Book Talk and Luncheon with Workshop in afternoon!Sunday October 7th 2018 History Club of Los Gatos