Why Boundaries Are HARD and What To Do About It
Dear Creators of WONDER and MAGIC-
Thank you for being here! I am grateful for your presence.
1. Why Boundaries Are Hard. I just got back from a fantastic adventure to share my art documentary and workbook, “Boundaries Make Love Possible” with a group of wonderful humans.
It was so good to be together and to share with each other why boundary setting is SO HARD. In my expert opinion, the NO. 1 REASON that we don’t set boundaries is that we don’t have much practice! (No. 2 reason would be that we are worried people will be disappointed/hurt.
We don’t make the boundaries we long for the most because we have not yet acquired the skill. Like playing ukelele – its awkward and feels foreign at first. What we need to do is practice. Start small.
Q: What’s one boundary that you have wanted to set for a long time but you just haven’t been able to do it yet?
What if you got support from a sister or friend or mother?
You could “bookend” it?
To try it:
1. you would phone your friend/supporter and tell them you are about to “go-in” and make the boundary. For ex: I am going to ask my brother to stop coming over to the house without calling first. You could practice or try out the language around how you will say it!
2. You call your brother or leave a message explaining your new boundary and asking that they text or call first and wait for a response before coming over.
3. You call your supporter back to let them know how it went and that you actually did it!
Most of us aren’t “bad” at boundaries- we just simply have not tried, in earnest, to get better at setting them. Skills take practice.
What I know FOR SURE: Once you set one boundary and experience the benefits…you’ll be SO INSPIRED to make the next one! It gets better! And it gets EASIER.
2. QUOTE That Made Me Want to Be A Better Version of Myself:
“The only war that matters is the war against the imagination.
All other wars are subsumed by it.”
With all the darkness (racism, greed, lack of compassion, hate) that is now being exposed across the globe…it feels so important to PROTECT our imagination and to USE IT…….not only for imagining the WORST outcome….but also for imagining the VERY BEST outcome. Today, I intend to go visit Alice, my spirit elephant to ask her,
Suggested SHAMANIC JOURNEY INTENTION: “Please show me a what a fulfilling future (for myself and for ALL OF US!) would look like and how I can take first steps to get there.”
How do YOU protect your imagination?
Another suggested journey intention: “How can I live in a way that would make me feel authentically successful, on my own terms?”
3. We Get In Our Own Way. I don’t know about you, but ever since this global revolution began (or the point at which we finally realized it was necessary?), I’ve been wrestling with my inner control freak.
The control freak part of me (who BY THE WAY, looks like a tweaked OUT mashup of Wiley Coyote plus Olive Oil, Popeye’s wife) is super CLINGY, anxious and carrying waaaaaay too much VOLTAGE.
She wants to keep everybody safe!! To remove every risk: Especially for my precious loved ones who feel particularly imperiled by their identity or their vocation.
The concept of parts work has helped me so much as has my parts work therapist Everett.
To restore my sanity:
1. I’m having to learn, at a deeper level, to release control.
2. To remember that there are forces much greater than I that are at work who have this whole “THING” handled. I just need to do my little part.
This Flannery O’Connor poem resonated:
Dear God, I cannot love Thee the way I want to. You are the slim crescent of a moon that I see and myself is the earth’s shadow that keeps me from seeing all the moon. The crescent is very beautiful and perhaps that is all one like I am should or could see; but what I am afraid of, dear God, is that my self shadow will grow so large that it blocks the whole moon, and that I will judge myself by the shadow that is nothing.
I do not know you God because I am in the way. Please help me to push myself aside.
This is a (related) good song I learned long ago that I am dusting back off.
Here’s another applicable cut-up poem from my past—-As Anne Lamott says, “……help is the sunny side of control.”
4. I Have Written 7 Books For YOU! I would like to share my books with you as I know how much they can help! So here goes!
You can order them all wherever you get your books. I like to buy from BOOKSHOP and designate my local bookstore- they get a cut on each book I buy!
AI Made this summary and like all things AI it needs OOMPH and soul injected back into it—-so I added to it in RED.
1. Swimming with Elephants: My Unexpected Pilgrimage from Physician to Healer (2017)
This memoir chronicles Seidelmann’s ODD AND, AT TIMES, HILARIOUS transformative journey from a conventional medical career to embracing shamanic healing AND HER ROLE AS AN UNCONVENTIONAL CREATOR.
Through global travels and spiritual encounters—including meeting a SALTY spirit elephant guide—she discovers a new path to healing that addresses the soul as well as the CARCASS.
2. Born to FREAK: A Salty Primer for Irrepressible Humans (2012)
A celebration of individuality, this book encourages readers to embrace their unique quirks and differences. Through personal STORIES OF DOMESTIC ADVENTURES and reflections, Seidelmann offers guidance for those who feel out of place in conventional settings, affirming that being different is not only okay but FREAKING AWESOME.
3. The Book of Beasties: Your A-to-Z Guide to the Illuminating Wisdom of Spirit Animals (2018)
An exploration of spirit animals and their symbolic meanings, this richly illustrated guide provides insights into how various creatures can offer guidance and CHANGE YOUR WHOLE GOLLDANGED LIFE. It’s a resource for those interested in LIVING IN AN EVER RENEWING STATE OF MYSTICAL FREEDOM, animal symbolism and its application to personal growth.
4. What the Walrus Knows: An Eccentric’s Field Guide to Working with Beastie Energies (2011)
This field guide introduces readers to the concept of “beastie energies,” encouraging them to observe and learn from the animals they encounter. It’s a playful yet profound look at how nature can inform and inspire our daily lives.
THIS ONE IS OUT OF PRINT BUT You can find copies here and there!
5. How Good Are You Willing to Let It Get?: Daily FEELGOOD Inspiration for Creatives, Healers, and Helpers (2020)
A collection of daily inspirations co-created with her spirit animal, Alice the Elephant WHO HAS A WAAAAY BETTER SENSE OF HUMOR THAN SARAH ON MOST DAYS. Each entry offers wisdom, reflection prompts, and prayers aimed at uplifting those in creative and healing professions. Themes include self-love, creativity, ADDICTION, CO-DEPENDECY, and navigating challenges.
6. Where the Deer Dream: A Coming of Age Adventure In Spirit
A fictional narrative that blends elements of a coming-of-age story BASED IN DULUTH, MN with spiritual exploration. It follows MEERA’s journey through challenges and self-discovery, guided by dreams, traditional psychedelic MUSHROOM medicine and animal spirits.
7. Boundaries Make Love Possible: Self-Respecting Boundaries Workbook, Illustrated (2024)
An illustrated workbook FULL OF SHOCKING COLOR AND NEVER BEFORE SEEN COLLAGES OF UNEXPECTED THINGS designed to help readers understand and implement healthy boundaries in their relationships. Through bite-sized lessons IRREVERENT HUMOR and guided self-reflection, Seidelmann offers tools for fostering authentic connections while maintaining A LARGE SLAB OF self-respect.
Would you like to try parts work or perhaps you’re longing for a shamanic healing? You can learn how to work with me and book here. I love working one on one with individuals to help them make the transformations they are longing to make!
I have now opened up some more Tuesdays! .
Soon, for a limited time, you can join SHINE, our creative community for 6 months. It’s a great way to get that boost you need to get your own projects prioritized and DONE! Doing it together is best! Inger Kenobi and I know the creative path and we will sit with you to figure out where you want to go and support you in doing it! Stay tuned!
with much love,
Sarah
“When She Allowed Pleasure In, Everything Began to Thrive”
collage + acrylic + oil pastel, will be at:
The April Showers, May Flowers show:
a collaborative exhibition between
the Nordic Center & PrOve Collective gallery
featuring many local artists!!
Show Dates: April 11 – May 31, 2025.
PROVE IS OPEN Friday 4- 7pm and Saturday 12- 4 pm
23 North Lake Ave, Duluth, MN.
To purchase this piece (shipping is free in continental US, or see detail- visit HERE.
30% of proceeds go to @provecollective
I will have a reception for my new art exhibit
at Sara’s Table Chester Creek Cafe
on May 20th- details TBD
PLEASE SAVE THE DATE.
I would love to see you there!
The best ways to support me are to:
1. Order your own copy of my NEW BOUNDARIES WORKBOOK! (or GIFT ONE!)
2.Order my “How Good Are You Willing to Let it Get?” CARD DECK today.
3. Invest in yourself with a 1:1 session of coaching or shamanic healing.
4. DOWNLOAD my APP for IOS for Divine Wild BEASTIE Support!
5. BUY ONE OF MY 7 BOOKS OR Listen to one at Audible
6. Leave a brief review for any of my books at Amazon or Goodreads.
7. Purchase a print, mug, t-shirt, framed print, tote bag, shower curtain or other magical thing that I’ve created at MY ART SHOP.
8.Purchase an original painting from me that will support you in your home.
9. FORWARD this newsletter to somebody who you suspect would enjoy it!
