What Boundaries Looks Like In Real Life

1.  What Boundaries Look Like:  A random facebook note touched me this past week and maybe it will help you reconnect with a boundary you badly need?  Boundaries can seem nebulous and difficult to learn about- my full color illustrated workbook makes boundaries fun and EASY to learn about!

My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

[AND SHE GOT SOME %$#@ing BOUNDARIES!]

One day my dad said to her:

– I’ve been looking for a job for three months and I haven’t found anything, I’m going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

– It’s okay.

My brother said to her:

– Mom, I’m doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My mom replied:

– Okay, you will recover, and if you don’t, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

– Mom, I smashed the car.

My mom replied:

– Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find out how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

– Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My mom replied:

– Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom….

…But then … she gathered us around her and my mom explained:

“It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, depression, courage, insomnia & my stress, do not solve your problems but aggravate mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration, and neurolinguistic programming, and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all…

I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, and encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my mom’s house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it was that they needed to do.

.For some of us, this is hard because we’ve grown up being caregivers and feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives, we are fixers of all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & onto each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be responsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.

Much Love,

Charlyn.

You might not relate to all of the examples of how she behaved in her new boundaried state-  but perhaps you have an idea of  the changes you need to make?  This month I am dropping any advice giving with friends/family without permission!  It’s going OK so far. Excited to get even better at just listening!

Are you in a close reationship with an addict?  This letter might help!

2. The Times They Are A Changin’:  One of my favorite astrologers, Pam Gregory says July is when THE BIG CHANGES really begin in 2025.  HAHAHA –pshhhht–I thought that maybe things would be easing up? No.

Soooooo her advice is to get grounded and take extra good care of ourselves…so we don’t get lost in the unconsciousness.  Helping in my community and supporting protests and other caring initiatives has given me a lot of peace + connection.

One of the ways I also get grounded and do self care is to tidy up/organize.  Having beautiful spaces nourishes my soul!  Here’s a short reel of my studio before and after.  
I am a huge fan of interior decorating and love the homes featured in Nancy Myers designed movie sets like “Something’s Gotta Give”….if you do too- you might love this video!.  

3.  Writing Short Poems Daily Is a Spiritual Tool.  I have been writing death haikus daily this summer (see more info below) and I have to say it is one of the most efficient/powerful tools for tuning into what matters MOST.  To simply ask yourself- if I had died yesterday –what mattered most to me? What was my experience of being alive?  It’s SO potent!

Here’s one of my most favorited ones, so far:

Last Day on Earth Haikus:

There is a tradition in Japan where masterful spiritual beings write a haiku on the day they die. Some are funny. Some are deep. I thought it would be a good exercise to look back at the day before, as if I had died and ask, “What did I experience or learn on that final day?” This would also cause me to search deeply in my days for what mattered most.

From Wikipedia: They tend to offer a reflection on death—both in general and concerning the imminent death of the author—that is often coupled with a meaningful observation on life. The practice of writing a death poem has its origins in Zen Buddhism. It is a concept or worldview derived from the Buddhist teaching of the three marks of existence (三法印, sanbōin), specifically that the material world is transient and impermanent (無常, mujō), that attachment to it causes suffering(苦, ku), and ultimately all reality is an emptiness or absence of self-nature (空, kū).

4. Quote That Is GIving Me Life This Week:  

“Whether this is the first day of the Apocalypse or the first day of the Golden Age, the work remains the same…to love each other and ease as much suffering as possible.”
~Ram Dass

5. Are You A Fan of Wes Anderson of Grand Budhapest Hotel Fame?? Me too!  His newest film is now one of my favorites and I cannot wait to watch it again! I laughed throughout the entire thing.   Go see the Phoencian Scheme! TRAILER HERE. 

6:  Bonus EXCELLENT COMEDY from my sister Maria-  this show is over 10 years old and it is AWESOME!  If you enjoy mental health comedy and pugs- it is for you!  I am in there too (as a character!!).  watch all 20 episodes of THE MARIA BAMFORD SHOW here. 

I could go on but I have probably already lost you!  I have been painting lots of still lifes this past week and leave you with one of my favorite compositions!:)

Beauty is NECESSARY in this world.  Seek it out. Create it. Soak it up.

Much love,

Sarah

P.S. Is NOW the time you’ll finally seek out that shamanic healing you’ve longed for? Or maybe you are ready to change EVERYTHING in your life and could use a guide to walk alongside you? Book a session here. 

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My art is going to be available at @jewelweed.shop in their NEW Excelsior, MN location! Plan a visit soon to stroll this quaint + lovely downtown and get all the goodness- flower essences, wonderful books, crystals, and SO MUCH MORE!  See a short video tour of my visit here.