What Are Your D) NOT MENTION Zones and Why It Matters
“Integrity is the cure for psychological suffering. Period.” – Martha Beck
I was speaking to my friend and collaborator Inger Kenobi and she mentioned a cool coach who has a program titled “FILTH” for writers who want to write Norwegian SMUT. We were laughing about just how damn specific that niche is.
And it reminded me it hat it’s good to pay attenion to subjects that are TABOO for us. I have never written FILTH and I guess that would be really scary if I did (esp. if I had to share my work with you!).
Years ago I read my mentor Martha Beck’s Book “The Way of Integrity” and she introduced the idea of DO NOT MENTION ZONES (DNMZ). These are places in our lives where we avoid something becauase it’s v. triggering. DNMZ = unacceptable to mention = TABOO.
For example, for years, when a client would bring up the fact that they were considering leaving their partner, I would panic a little inside. I didn’t want to hear about somebody’s divorce or separation. I wanted to run out of those rooms. I WANTED EVERYBODY TO STAY TOGETHER.
WHY?
Well, as it turns out, I didn’t want to face the fact that, deep down…that was what I wanted.
I wanted out of my marriage too. And it scared the living bejesus out of me.
My ego told me (falsely) that if I just dodge it or avoid it…I could stay safe.
But after years of divorce being one of my DO NOT MENTION ZONES..I finally found the courage to seek one for myself.
“We never want to look at the secret things. We either deny it or have these Do Not Mention Zones that we don’t typically touch because it feels alarming. Denial is a survival mechanism that keeps us from dying out of shock by blocking our perception of things that are too frightening to face“. –
So, I am curious. Do YOU have a DNMZ? Or more than one? Maybe yours is Alzheimers? Or Cancer? Death.
Another one of mine is Melanoma. I had one at age 19 and sometimes I get scared I’ll get another one. My dad and his sister and dad died of Lewy Body Dementia….that scares me too.
Why does it matter whether you know what your own DNMZs are? Because all that is unconscious will make us suffer until we make it conscious and can DEAL WITH IT.
I moved Lewy Body Dementia off my DNMZ when I faced my fear of it. I read a book that helped me understand that I was not a victim here. I could choose to (legally) stop eating and drinking (with help from Hospice) and die with dignity. Learn more here.
I am not writing FILTH (yet!) but I did do some erotic underapintings a few weeks ago and it was wildly fun! Facing those things in us that go bump in the night can be exhilarating and help us to get closer to ourselves!
I highly recommend Martha’s book!
Needing to reconnect with the earth and your spirit? Take a walk in the Spring air with this:
Here’s a playlist of my most treasured shamanic music.
HAVE YOU WANTED TO GET COACHING BUT IT FELT OUT OF REACH? Or maybe you’re a past client and long for help with something new.
I am offering a special package of 3 one hour sessions to help you get clear, find your voice, step towards your dreams or whatever else you might long for. It’s much less thatn my traditional 90 minute sessions and packages…..its feeling like we are needing less not more these days!
I am excited for a slew of new conversations that lead to growth and more JOY!
You can book the first session here (scroll to very bottom and look for the BEAR!).
If you’re longing for support in the form shamanic healing work or mentoring- you can book that here.
The more resourced we are the better we do!
much love,
Sarah
P.S. My sister Maria’s full feature length documentary on her comedic careeris coming to NEtflix soon!
PARALYZED BY HOPE: The Maria Bamford Story
