What to Do When It’s the GOOD Stuff That Scares You

Sometimes, our biggest growth opportunity is revealed when gifts, opportunities or  some other AMAZING GOODNESS appears right in front of us.  Have you ever had something so good happen–that it sent you into a spiral of anxiety or fear?

Maybe it was a job offer, an invitation to a more intimate (or more committed) relationship, or an opportunity you had always longed for? Maybe, like me, you FREAKED out and wondered if you didn’t deserve it, or that you were making a terrible mistake.  Maybe you blocked it.  Or, you ran the other way screaming. Maybe you stayed there, but you were consumed with self-doubt and mild panic?

At the end of June it happened to me.  AGAIN.  The extreme discomfort was familiar.

The very first time I remember feeling this deep angst in the face of something very GOOD was when Mark and I got engaged in 1990.  We didn’t tell a soul for several weeks. Deep down, I was scared to death to let others know.  Could it be too good to be true? What if we were terribly misguided and not actually “good” for eachother? What if we failed? But our love was SO GOOD. We shared so many dreams! We loved the same music.  We each had a similar passion for being in wild places! Still I was scared of letting so much goodness in.  Was I deserving of such a love?  Worthy of it?

A second memorable time that a really good thing scared the pants off me was in 2010 when my three month sabbatical nearly over and I was considering extending it 3 more months. I was loving my explorations of the spiritual realms and not quite ready to return to my work at the hospital.  I had been worried about how we would pay bills without my salary for another 3 months.

Around that same time, my husband Mark got an unexpected raise that completely covered my part time salary.  Suddenly, I had nothing to worry about financially..but I still doubted if it would be OK for me to extend my sabbatical.  I doubted the goodness being offered to me. I wasn’t sure I deserved it.  Was I worthy of taking more time off to figure things out?

How Good Are You Willing to Let It Get Sarah?  – Alice the Elephant (my spirit helper) 

This powerful question (above) was first raised by my spirit helper, Alice the elephant.  I wondered….”Would it truly be OK to allow myself to pursue my dreams a little longer….even if I had no idea of what the outcome would be? Or whether I could generate income living that dream out?  Once again, I worried….was it safe to enjoy this time? Was it OK to relax and enjoy this?  Was I worthy?

Spoiler alert:  I decided to extend that sabbatical and trust that it was OK. Almost 15 years later I am not just OK, but thriving in this new sort of work.

Recently, we found a small 850 square foot cabin on Lake Superior. When walked down to the lake from the car to see it for the first time I was overwhelmed with a sense of AWE. It was a perfect sunny day and you could smell crushed flowers as the silvery blue lake shimmered and swayed before us.  We had been talking about purchasing some  land to spend time on but, despite visiting many places, we hadn’t been able to find anything quite right.  That day, it felt like….THIS is what we’ve been seeking for the last few years! But, I worried I was crazy.  How dare you dream of such a thing?  Just be happy with your amazing life!

This tiny cabin also came with a relatively high price tag. We are getting close to retirement and it seemed kind of crazy and way out of our realm of possibilities. But, yet we both felt an inner WOW….like… could this work?

Immediately, that old fear quickly crept in….what are you thinking?

What a ridiculous purchase when others are struggling to make ends meet!

You’d be paying too much…how foolish!

It’s sat on the market for a REASON- it’s ridiculous..nobody in their right mind would buy it. 

Bad things happen after good things- you better watch out!

Of course, I went to visit Alice and my other helpers to ask for help and support.  Mark and I also prayed together to ask for help….to inquire if it was the right thing for us.   Eventually, I worked through the fear (with the help of our wonderful helpers-  our realtor, financial advisor and others), and we decided to make an offer.  We closed on the place at the end of June.

Immediately I noticed that I didn’t want to tell anybody about it. Even though we were feeling over the moon excited!

It was a LOT like when Mark and I got engaged.  I was scared to tell people in case we were making a mistake. Or in case we look stupid/silly/misinformed.   I had to repeatedly ask myself, “Sarah, how good ARE you willing to let it get?”.

Can you ever remember a time when something beautiful, fortuitous or just plain LUCKY happened and it caused you to be scared?

Or, maybe you didn’t want to tell others, lest they judge you or..think less of you?  Or maybe you had another fear entirely? Maybe you didn’t feel good enough? Qualified? Ready?

What I know for sure is that we are all going to face challenges in our life. That is guaranteed.

AND I, for one,  am going to be actively working to allow more goodness in….whenever and wherever it is available!  

I was BORN WORTHY and so were YOU.

We do not, as poet Mary Oliver says, “Have to crawl on our hands and knees…”.

 If you’re facing some GOODNESS right now and it scares you, here are a few tips from me to you

• I pause, take a deep breath in from the depths of my belly, I close my eyes and open my hands and say I AM ALLOWING ALL GOOD THINGS TO FLOW. It is safe to allow good things into my life.
• I remind myself that I’m a kid from God….an innocent (and mostly clueless!) child of the Universe. It’s SAFE for me to enjoy all the goodness that’s being offered to me now and always.
• I have NO reason to be ashamed of the gifts in my life. We are each being blessed all of the time in unique ways! It’s my job to stay awake and live in gratitude for all of it. 

I laid on the warm rocks after swimming in the bone chilling waters of Lake Superior today and I let that heat permeate my body while imagining and breathing in all of the goodness.  Mark and I spent the weekend mouthing the words, “WOW!” to each other over and over as we sat on that sacred land that meets the lake.  

How do you handle it when REALLY good stuff comes your way and it’s scary?

And..it’s always powerful to ask Alice’s great question when these fears come:

“How good am I willing to let my life get?”

I’m sending you much love!!

Sarah 

You can get a LOT more of Alice’s wisdom in thie 365 days a year reader.  

Want to really get to the bottom of why you have had a hard time allowing the good things in?  Check out Gay Hendricks’s book: The Big Leap.  Its one of my favorites!

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