That moment when you are supposed to have called into the conference line and you are confused and slightly off…… and 236 people are waiting on the line for you to dial in. Horrors!
This was not a nightmare but something that actually happened. What’s even more strange is that I’d spent the whole dangnabbed morning (swinging incense and sitting in lotus) getting ready and mentally preparing for that call.
When my friend Anna finally called my landline (she was holding down the call solo), I answered the phone with glee thinking that she simply wanted to touch base prior to our big call.
Within seconds I realized that those two hundred plus people were waiting….for me. I was thinking I still had 30 minutes to get ready!
I tried to get a grip on myself as my whole body went into a cascade of adrenaline release- heart pounding…stomach lurching…breath holding…oh lord.
I hung up and ran into the bedroom and locked the door behind me- hoping the kids would notice that I was on a call (I had mentioned it earlier) and then with shaking fingers dialed into the conference line.
I was feeling shame (how could I have messed up?) and embarrassment (would the lovely callers think I was an a flake or worse- a callous cad!)
I got on the line, the recording got started and, I managed to say something intelligible about why writing is so dear to me and why I would love to support others who want to write. I did not blather or confabulate.
My beautiful class partner Anna showed up gleaming and centered which, I’m convinced, saved the day. There were wonderful callers with fantastic questions. It went swimmingly.
After I hung up- my mind kept wanting to return to the scene of the crime. What happened? How did things go do horribly wrong? Should I have burned sage instead of pinion wood?
Despite my human foibles (2 alarms on my iphone and weeks of thinking about the call were apparently not enough to get me there), I survived.
I am reminded that I’m responsible to do the very best I can…to be prepared.…and…..often the Universe steps in (as needed) to carry me along. And things aren’t as terrible as I imagine they might be…..
…in fact they are often perfect.
Have you recently experienced panic or sensed that you botched up royally despite the best of intentions/preparation?
What was the outcome?
What insights could you take from that experience forward?
As for me, I’m going to keep on swinging incense , sitting in lotus and being prepared.…knowing the rest is out of my hands.
If you can relate to this tale of woe….you might just enjoy my latest bookie Born to FREAK:) I wrote it just for you.